Well, for few weeks I have known I was pregnant; however, I also knew I was going to miscarry and just had to wait until the time. That time did come. It was a shock to find out the news and also be apart of another miracle from God. I have struggled with infertility for 6 years; however, God has used this trial of infertility in my life for many reasons. My faith has grown so much over the past 6 years and I have seen God's grace firsthand. I have experienced His plan for all those He created and when it was His time to have a child brought into this world. I have learned to have JOY in all circumstances; even during miscarriage. I have had several miscarriages but I have not been at this place in my walk with God with the others.
Hubby and I had so many emotions the last weeks. Excited, anxious good, anxious bad, concern, contentment, joy, awe, disappointment, shock, praise and so on and on. This pregnancy wasn't planned yet it was an answer to our prayers. Do we have more children? Is this family complete? I have never known the answer.
Today I am at peace with my two sweet girls and the size of our family. I believe that God has shown me that our family is complete at this time. Now maybe their is adoption or something in our future but for now that lingering question, "God is our family complete?" Has been answered. "Yes! Yes, honey you are right were I want you. This is what I have for you, enjoy them and don't want for nothing!"
So as I close it is with mixed emotions. I am full of God's delight with my sweet, sweet family...yet disappointed that the door has been closed for children at this time...grateful that God answered my question...trust that He has the best plan for us...full of Praise for Him...and...encouraged that this is exactly where I am supposed to be. With all of that said....I am truly content and peaceful. I have a smile on my face and will continue to fight the good fight. I take this job very seriously: to raise these children up in faith and teach them that Jesus is Lord. My heart will be focused on Him and the work He wants me to do. I know that He is Lord of Lords, King of Kings and that He does GOOD to all those who love Him-Romans 8:28...and boy do I love Him!
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4 comments:
Words cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am and at the same time that God is shining through you! I love you my sister in Christ, sister in infertility, sister in miscarriage, and sister on this journey. Won't it be wonderful to get to heaven and have all of our little ones surround us at the throne of dear sweet Saviour? I love you. Please know that I will be calling you, come Monday. Rest in your family's love, rest in your husband's unending love, and rest in our Dear God's hand....
My sweet friend! I am so sorry for your loss & I agree with your friend - won't it be wonderful to get to Heaven and hold that sweet baby that is now keeping your momma company! He or she is in GREAT hands until you can get there! You and Landon are in our prayers and thoughts as you continue to work through all your mixed emotions. We love you guys and look forward to the next time we can be together.
Wow, I had no idea! I've been away from blog world for a month or so and just caught up yesterday on mine. I appreciate you sharing this.....I had no idea you struggled with this. I too had issues with infertility and had a miscarriage- such a hard thing. I am in awe of your strength and peace. Praying for you guys!
Thanks for sharing your sweet heart Stephanie. I'm sure you already know this, but I'm convinced the more we open ourselves to others and share the realness of infertility and miscarriages, the more that others are blessed.
Prayers for peace and a healed heart for you and Landon.
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