Oh to feel your feelings....

The holidays are different since mom passed away. The just are; and even though I try my best to have joy around this time of year...my heart is heavy this year with grief. That is the thing about grief it comes out of no where. Sometimes it is the holidays, sometimes it is a memory, sometimes it a birthday, sometimes it looking in the mirror and seeing my mom in me, my hands are looking more and more like hers, my mannerism are hers. When I discipline the way I hold my finger or tone of voice...is her. It just depends. Sometimes when you think you are going to grieve or have a rough time, you are fine. Then their are times when you just get hit with it! Then it never helps to hear my Dad cry and say, "I miss Mom so much." That is a delicate moment and is very sad to hear. I am grateful he can share and be vulnerable but I am also sad for him. I know he will be ok, that we will all be ok; but oh to feel your feelings. Honestly, sometimes I would rather not.